What's For Dinner Tonight - Practicing Grace on MySelf
I'm about to lay it down right here. Last year I was making fancy Pinterest-worthy HEALTHY dinners. They often took fancy ingredients I would make a "quick run to the store for" (ha! With 3-kids?? Yeah, right.) I would try to multitask in the kitchen during the most witching hour of my kids young-lives while trying to set up invitations to play and keep the peace. Some days it worked. Some days it was magical. But regardless of the outcome, just about every single day I paid for it in anxiety. Ungratefulness. No one seemed to really care what beautiful delicious and nutritious meal I spent my time creating. Not the other adult. Not the children. I appreciated it because I have gone on a very long journey with my own personal relationship with food. But no one else cared. Often tiny plastic IKEA plates would still be 3/4 full of delicious nutritious dinner food that I would then have to put away and make room for in my fridge. I am grateful I have access to food. I am grateful I can indulge in culinary experiments. I am grateful for my journey with my own relationship with food.
This year, I'm standing here, making hot dogs. HOT DOGS (is this the least nutritious food around?), corn on the cob, and microwave mac & cheese, and broccoli. And I am rejoicing. Rejoicing in the fact that I am MAKING my kids dinner tonight instead of ordering in, or stopping by a drive-thru. I grateful my kids will likely eat most if not all of their IKEA-filled plate. Grateful I am not trying to multi-task a delicious nutritious experimental dinner meal. Because today....ah, today....today, THIS is Enough. I used to judge chicken-nugget-parents. Tonight I say thank you for giving your child something to eat. Thank you for getting out of bed. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being there. For feeding them - whatever the meal looks like. When we know better, we do better.....sometimes. Because sometimes, also, we are so pressured and full of guilt and shame that we can't appreciate fully the ways WE SHOW UP for these tiny human beings. Instead we focus on what we ShOULD be doing. More. Better. Fuller. Faster. Giving ourSELVES the underlying message that whatever we ARE doing, right here, right now, ISN'T ENOUGH. Which translates to this painful message that I AM NOT ENOUGH.
Darling, my sweet Darling.... YOU. YOU ARE ENOUGH. JUST AS YOU ARE. Show up. Messy. Show up. That's the magic. The magic is NOT in the Pinterest-worthy dinner dishes. Or the meticulous Better Homes and Gardens kitchen. Showing up. Is sometimes hard. Sometimes painful. Sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes a lot. Thank you for Showing Up. Thank you for Being There. Thank you for feeding yourself and your tiny human beings. Whatever that looks like tonight, Thank You. For Showing Up. Messy.